A Suicide Note

   To the christian community:

   At first I was scared that you would react angrily and violently against my personal struggles. But when I shared them with you, I was greeted with warmth and acceptance. I liked that at first. But I slowly learned that the acceptance was, for the most part, fueled by apathy. You have said on numerous occasions that my sin is like a disease, and that is why you still love me. But when someone you love is sick, you go and visit them to make sure they’re doing okay. You’re not afraid to hug them. You spend as much time as you can with them because you fear that the disease might get the better of them.

   To the gay community:

   You told me that you were accepting of everyone. You said that I had a right to do whatever I wanted with my life. Then I told you that I wanted to fight my sexual orientation. With a confused look and a discontented sigh, you withdrew from me even further than the people at church. The only time I ever see you anymore is when you rise up to mock the faith I that gives me hope. I understand that you have been hurt, but you use that hurt to fuel a hatred that tears everyone down, whether they are on your side or not. You have become so focused on winning political battles that you have begun to inflict the same deep hurts that make people like me want to end everything.

   To my friends:

   Your hugs made me feel safe. The conversations we had made me feel loved. Don’t feel like you weren’t enough to keep me here. It wasn’t your fault. By the time I met you, I was already too far gone.

   Good bye.

Heaven is the Face (Steven Curtis Chapman)

I’m just going to throw this out there: I’m not a fan of Steven Curtis Chapman’s music. It’s totally not my style, and I find it repetitive and boring. However, I am a fan of Steven Curtis Chapman’s character, and the fact that he’ one of the few singers to sing about how much he loves his kids. And I like his song, merely for the fact that it shows how much he loved his adopted daughter.

 

 

Speed and Akita Plaza

   A few years ago, I was flying in a plane with my mom, and we had a layover for a couple of hours in Las Vegas. This was my first (and currently only) time in Las Vegas, so naturally I wanted to go out and do what everyone else does in Las Vegas . . . ride rollercoasters!

   I convinced my mom to sprint out of the airport, take a taxi to the nearest rollercoaster, ride the rollercoaster, and then make int back to the airport just in time to catch our flight. It worked perfectly, and I had one of my favorite rollercoaster experiences ever. That rollercoaster was Speed, at the Nascar Cafe. Unfortunately, the Nascar Cafe closed down, leaving Speed as a poor orphan rollercoaster in desperate need of adoption.

   Speed went through some sad and lonely times Standing-But-Not-Operating (commonly referred to as SBNO among coaster nerds). But happy days appear to be coming soon. The rollercoaster has been dismantled, and is in the process of relocating down the street to Akita Plaza, a mall in Las Vegas. Speed will not only get a new home, but it won’t even have to relocate very far. I hope to one day ride Speed in its new location, and hopefully I won’t have to run through a casino to get to it next time around.

Adoption Day

   There are two countries. They used to be one country, until a brutal civil war broke out (like what happened with North and South Dakota). Because of this, both countries have their independence day on May 7^th. However, they celebrate their independence days very differently.

   One nation is super strict . . . like Old Testament Amish strict. The other nation is very liberal . . . like have sex with everyone and experience everything you can kind of liberal.

   The strict nation has a very strong sense of community perpetuated by the close-knit families who live there. The liberal nation is full of individuals who try anything to make them feel good and avoid those who make them uncomfortable.

   And every May 7^th, the liberal nation erupts into a massive party where everyone puts their deepest desires into overdrive. At least until the next day when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. Meanwhile, in the strict nation, they celebrate what they call, “Adoption Day.”

   Instead of celebrating their national identity being all prideful and patriotic, the strict nation makes a point to let every other nation know that their doors are open to whoever is willing to accept their rules. The strict nation’s culture has evolved to the point where nearly every family adopts a kid at one point. Boys and girls think about adopting kids long before they consider having any of their own. And every Adoption Day, neglected kids from the liberal nation pour into the strict nation. They are immediately received into the open arms of loving families. They are willing to accept the rules because they know that with the rules comes a love they have never felt before.

Keeping Warm (We Were Promised Jetpacks)

I can have all the criteria I want for being a man or being awesome or having a great blog, but honestly, I will never fully meet my criteria. But according to this song, its okay.

 

The Imaginary Theme Park in My Head

It meets my three criteria:

1) Authority: It’s rides are incredible. but the park does not have to brag about them They may not be the tallest or fastest or first of their kind, but they are very fun, and well-maintained. I don’t have to worry about going to the park on a “bad day.” Examples of this include Holiday World, Disney Parks, and Busch Gardens Parks.

2) Time: I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time waiting in line. Most rides don’t have a line, but if they do, the line goes through awesome themed areas and buildings that tell a story about the ride I’m about to ride. The best example of this is at Islands of Adventure in Orlando, Florida.

3) Hugs: The employees are friendly enough to hug the guests. There is currently no example of this . . . although Holiday World does come really close.

The Trinity of Manliness

   Authority: He acts like he knows what he’s doing, because he actually does know what he’s doing. He’s too awesome to view himself as your big brother, so he views himself as your father. He is constantly going through what can only be described as the opposite of a midlife crisis. He gets respect from everyone, and has the ability to inspire confidence in everyone he talks to.

   Time: He is never late. He arranges his life so that he effortlessly spends time with people he wants to spend time with. If he doesn’t want to spend time with someone, they know why. When he says, “Call me anytime,” he actually means it. If circumstances stop him from spending quality time with someone, he informs them about it right away, and lets them know they can go to work with him or crash at his house if they want. When he is spending time with you, he asks fearless questions that get to the heart of conversations in record time. A one hour talk with him is the equivalent to a one-year relationship with anyone else.

   Hugs: If you go for a handshake, he will go for a hug. And he will not be ashamed about it.

Down in the Valley (The Head and the Heart)

   If Mumford and Sons didn’t exsist, The Head and the Heart would be in the running for my favorite band. This is my favorite song from them, and it nicely concludes this week’s theme of habits and love and stuff.

 

The Loving Embrace of Unshakable Habits

   I love my habits. They are the imaginary guidelines that my imaginary father has set forth for me. If I stray too far from my daily routine, I will get scared and stressed out. Which unfortunately happens a lot.

   When Subway runs out of meatballs . . . momentary flash of fear as I try to figure out what to order now.

   When a professor changes the format in which homework is due . . . indignation as I mentally prepare myself for this new system.

   When the person who always sits in the same study room as me in not there . . . instant depression as I feel like they might not like sitting in the same room as me.

   I cling to my habits like my life depended on them, but there is one thing that can make me let go of them right away. There have been two cases in my life where I’ve stopped biting my nails. Both involved me meeting someone I loved. I stopped because I knew that those people wouldn’t like me biting my nails. But then they moved away and I started again. Same thing happened at Subway. I’d always get American cheese until someone I really cared about forced me to get Pepper Jack because “Pepper Jack Cheese is the best kind of cheese.” Now I always get Pepper Jack cheese.

   You too can be like the Pepper Jack Cheese guy. Because if there’s one habit that I can’t break, it’s the habit of loving things that people that love me love. Now read that last sentence over again. I promise it makes sense.

Head Full of Doubt/ Road Full of Promise (The Avett Brothers)

   This song sums up my experience with politics in ten words, and then goes on to much more important topics.